Thursday, April 23, 2009

My New Attitude

I am reading a book now that I hope will change my life. When I saw it as a recommendation on Amazon (how do they know me so well) I had to buy it.

I would like to be happy. And I would like to be happy without being perfect. I thought organizing my house would lead to feelings of competence and accomplishment but it's beginning to make me feel anxious about everything I'm not doing. The monthly tasks are just suggestions right? Not a concrete time line? I know I will put it off indefinitely if I don't have some sort of set schedule but right now I can hardly lift my head off the table at dinner let alone clean my bedroom. But some day, right? Right? I fully intend to continue, just at a slower pace. One day I will master my domain. But until then I will read this book so I don't have to keep feeling bad about all the things I don't do and start giving myself credit for all the things I do. This book is written specifically for women and I have enjoyed the first couple chapters. Now if I can put all of these ideas into action. She does specifically mention Martha and how detrimental she has been to our generation of overachievers. I must say I do love myself some Martha (and some neighbors call me Martha-bless you) but I only take her really, really easy ideas and leave the rest to the pros or Super Moms. But I will concede she has taken homemaking and entertaining to impossible new heights. Thank goodness all the people I know are not that fancy (OK save you Sara) and they impress easily. But I need to start being nicer to me. I know I keep writing that. Maybe if I write it enough it will come true.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

My New Babies

I've been busy at home with the puking and whatnot. Detailed story on my other blog. Sick kids (and husband) totally derail everything. And as if I didn't have enough to think about, I am now the proud owner of two new time sucks:

I casually mentioned one day that I would love a really nice camera. I see pictures on blogs and think, "Wow, if I had a really nice camera I could take pictures like that too." Because it has nothing to do with the skill of the photographer I'm sure. The first time I mentioned it my husband was all, "We can take pretty good pictures with our little Elph." So I put it out of my mind. Well all of a sudden there's a flurry of Internet searching and he has deemed the Nikon D90 the best of the bunch. He's telling me all these things about pixels, and ISO and aperture...That's nice dear. And before I know it, he orders it. And now it's "my camera." I have my suspicions. But he seems to genuinely want me to take possession. Plus I have two new books about digital photography. And they have instructions like, "If you want to take this shot do this." Awesome. I don't have to know anything now. And just a side note to Sara, I do know how to zoom in now. I can actually take pictures with it and not walk around the park looking like a lost tourist.

The second addition to our family is a little man much like this specimen. Our little man has led a long life and is not quite as fancy as this one. But we like him. Our neighbors were desperately trying to unload a fish on Emma soon after the passing away of Odie and they finally succeeded. But being the obsessive person I am, I had to Google "betta fish" and learn they actually like living in larger tanks with a heater and filter. So we trudged down to Petco (not once but 3 times) and acquired everything we need to keep Shippo alive for a while longer. But I must admit, I walk into my daughter's room at least twice a day expecting to see him floating at the top. He is funny though and wiggles when he sees us. I just wish I could pet him.

So I'll be keeping busy for a while yet. Still have much work to do on the bedroom/office. I'll have to start using my new baby to document my journey (no, not the fish. But that would be kinda awesome).

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Well No Wonder

This weekend was a pretty good one. I managed to do much more than I ever give myself credit for. But I looked at my insane schedule and I'm beginning to realize why I'm always so tired and scattered. Friday I took my children to the zoo, as any mother of the year would (thanks Heather). Then I came home and suddenly had the urge to work on the bedroom. I cleared out such a space you can actually see the bookshelf! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. It made a huge difference. To celebrate, well not really because I already had plans, I went for a drink with a couple of my homettes. We drank and laughed (and made fun of the canoodling couple behind us). Saturday I worked on my final paper. If anyone has an opinion on a hypothetical model of repayment of welfare benefits please let me know. And then I will lecture you (sorry Sara). In the afternoon I went to our first Breast Cancer 3 Day fundraiser. We had a booth at a school carnival and sold handmade bracelets and little pink things. Then I came home and it was Aaron's time to go out. I put the kids to bed early and started watching a movie (in bed!) Does it get any better? Sunday we decided to take the hike we put off the week before. I made a big breakfast of eggs, bacon, and fresh squeezed orange juice (just bought a new juicer) and doughnuts. We then took a long hike on the Peralta Trail. Well, long for three complaining but persistent children. It was a beautiful hike but we should probably start sooner next time and take snacks. We did see Desert Bighorn Sheep. In the wild! It was pretty cool and worth having to carry Kate the last bit of the hike. As I was reflecting on the weekend and everything I accomplished, I looked at the neverending pile of laundry that I cannot seem to control and started feeling bad about myself. Then I smacked myself in the head - figuratively.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

I'm Still Here

I know it seems like I've given up. It sometimes feels like I've given up. I look at the pile of stuff in my bedroom and go take a nap. Maybe my bedroom/office was not the best place to start organizing. Maybe I should have had some successes before I tackled the "big one." But I know it has to be done. It will just be a while. I did manage to answer the journal questions. I think getting myself in the right mental state will go a long way towards the physical part. I routinely give myself a hard time for not getting everything done. For not being perfect. But there was a story in One Year to an Organized Life about a mom with young children that made me feel like it wasn't just me. And Regina made it a point to say that something has to give. Why do I know this (in my head) but not in my heart. If I took an honest look around me I would see a house that is not perfect but is certainly a lot cleaner and homier than even before. Sure we have a long way to go. But just as with my 3 day journey, it's one step at a time.